Inventions

From Facebook:

Ben: "Bluetooth might be the best invention ever."

Chris: "Better than the polio vaccine?"

Ben: "Polio can't stream Pandora from [my] phone to my sound bar, but it's cool too."

Blustery

"It feels like Mother Nature is deep-throat face raping you with her icy wind cock"

Ghetto Safety

"Black people don't need gun safes, that's what the waistband on their sweatpants is for."

"I wonder if the retinal scanner on a gun safe works for the brown eye. Wouldn't it be cool if I could just scan my butthole!?"

As told to Dani (and loosely paraphrased).

Kardashian Kills the Jews

This quote brought to you by Tom, but Ben brought up the calendar Kim made for Reggie Bush.

'Outfits'!? I thought you said 'Auschwitz'...

Insensitive Holidays

Lets have a murdered child themed Christmas party!

2nd Chance for Brains

Tony Dungy is proof that zombies walk among us.

Is that Tony Dungy or is that the piece of hamburger that broke off and was hanging out on my flavorizer for a week?

Is Al Davis dead or did he come back as Tony Dungy?

Kobe

You rape someone in the ass and you blow out your Achilles. That's karma, it just took a while.