The Ugly Tree

Me: "I know I was going to write down one of your quotes from today, but I can't remember what it was."

Ben: "I think it was something about ugly chicks."

Jackie and I, in unison: "It's always something about ugly chicks."

Earlier that day...

Ben: ...something about how powder is rad...

Me to Tom: "Did you hear that? Ben just said something about how powder is rad."

Ben: "What?"

Me: "You're always bagging on powder."

Ben: "I bag on ugly chicks too, but I fuck 'em just the same."

Sheet of Paper

At this point I think Arvydas Sabonis has more ups than Greg Jennings.

Fantasy WR

"Victor Cruz couldn't catch an STD in a fucking whorehouse."

Where's David Caruso?

"Someone needs to call CSI Special Victims Unit because the Giants are getting raped."

Crop Failure: In Need of Bailout

On the rampant use of photo cropping on internet dating sites:
"A fat chick can have a skinny face, but the shoulders never lie."

I would totally date a stripper!

more from the mouth of a 12 yr old

chole - awkward silences make gay babies.

chole - That's like an inside out jew hat.

ben - wow, from the mouth of a 12yr old something that offends me.

chole - giggles

don't let your dog watch you jerk off

dog = why is my 2 leg dog/friend angry at his marking tube?

Power Play Prom

On Sunday I went to a Portland Winterhawks hockey (hawk-ey?) game with Ben and other friends.

Ben: A 5-on-3 power play is like taking a fat chick to prom with a bottle of Rumplemintze, you know you're gonna score.

They (the Hawks) did score, but went on to lose in the last minute of the game: 4-3.

this happened at safeway tonight..

i had a good buzz on and coupled with my sausage high i was feeling it!

girl sex is like steak

Kri**** - you better act fast before i find a hot chick

BEN - nope, cause here's the thing...

pussy may be soft and taste like a unicorn but it ain't no dick and you like the dick

it's like steak.

Kri**** - Wow, yes?

BEN - sure I would prefer a nice rib-eye but if all you got is sirloin i'm not gonna say no. it's the same with girls and dick/pussy

nope

cause this ain't iraq

you got rights

and you can flash ankles

Things You Never Knew About Fleece

Paraphrased from a conversation coming back from the mountain:

Ben: I don't like fleece, it feels like a bunch of fingers touching you at the same time.

Jackie: What!? Fleece is like getting hugged all over.

Ben: One man's hug is another man's molestation. Every time I wear fleece I feel like I was at Michael Jackson's house.